Tuesday, May 28, 2013

The Sudden Rain

The sudden rain,
then splashed
on pebbles,
cobbled path,
tinned roof,
on the concrete props,
tarred road
it muffled its thud
on mowed grass:
a cultivated sadness
There are times
when my smses
are sent to the space
and they return
empty handed,

they went to
catch the moon
or the stars in your eyes,
but they travel
light years
to come back without light.

I sleep with
the darkness
that is texted back
to me

For My Son: Tejas

Every new day is a
delicious pie over his brows
waiting to be sliced
slurped and eaten,
and every new day
grazes his memory
like a trail of ants
which go on forever and ever
into the unknown
promising mystery and fun.

Every animal
crawling, walking
and slithering,
a spectacle.
He pets, pats,
fingers and pokes at
life to see its response,
from irritation to warmth
make him rivet to the
secrets of life that only
his senses

Every time I set my
eyes on him,
I do not know
if I should watch him or
turn my eyes away
when he treads
on the fringes
of propriety.
So, I let him cruise
his seas
with my watchful
light towers alert.
Startling it was
a beehive
of lies
webbed my childhood
trapped realities
and preyed on them

I gathered my lies
a sore blooming
slow like hibiscus

I lied you were mine,
later, wedded to my lies
I gave birth to my fancies
to bring up as mine

I wore them up my sleeve,
then like my garters
I tatooed them ungendered
on my soul,
till you dawned on me
and I stretched my eyes
to love.

I abandoned my lies
peeling them
off my soul
you plucked at every
bleeding string

till in the most intense
you disrobed love
and branded my truth as
the biggest lie ever heard
It is not just the night
that tires
but uncertainty
and the folly of hope.
Its not the castle I built
that scares
but its fragile mortar
that crumbles
at the sight of life .

It's not love that
but the wide-eyed innocence
that nose-dives
into the darkness
of passion
and betrayal.
When the soul stops
wearing veils
it stops wearing masks.
life shows itself in all its
dreary colours ,
a rainbow becomes
water drops sprayed
on to the sky,
a river stops gurgling
as it gushes forward to
kill itself into the sea.
heart becomes just
an empty drum
timed-out songs.....

Mother's Day

I lived with nose-blocks
scabs and sinus attacks
hoping her gentle warmth
will ward off all the evil eye:
she was so distant
a phantom, tangled in
her joys and worries,
other than motherhood pangs

we grew up, my brother
and I, in a paradise
uninterrupted by adult
sadomasochism, the Cain
and Abel, at each other's
throat vying for survival,
my closeted life in
convent schools
and my brother's, in the
male-male world.
we were fanned by the ripple
of her presence,
like stick-insects
we skated on life's
surfaces, bolstered by her calm.

I grew up with the pang
of losing her among the
whirlwind of sarees, wrote epitaphs
and readied myself for its slow
dispersal in the mournful air.
she smiled through her
worries, not letting a
wrinkle scar her face.
and later, when I came back
to her, keeping a ledger
panning ebb and flow
of past present and future,
I was Yayathi resenting her dyed hair
and perpetual youth,
I sulked and relented and loved.

A teenager in rebellion, at thirties,
I gaped into me, refusing to see the
mother and wife, but the woman
searching for her self,
like Narcissus she gazed back to me
tangled with life,
reminding that I am
the mother and wife
who has to live the
woman in me first!

Paradise Lost

I hungered for the
beady eyed fruit
trapped in my dreams

Passion, its texture
Desire, its flesh
baited into its
I clucked and smelled
before a peck,
gnawed, chewed
and ruminated:
all the animals
alive in me

Its sweetness crept
into my flesh
I savored it till I
spat out the pips
that betrayed the taste

Paradise lost
love banished
I wandered
into the hard-sifted
candour of dream

Love's betrayals
transformed my
wilderness :
I set into
exploring the
honey trappings of
the iridescent fruit.

When do you become strangers?

We become strangers
in life's highway
when we pass each other
in a hurry, without
dimming the lights of

In all trappings of technology
that once aided us
the green glare of
availability in the virtual,
special ringtones on the cell phones
and the seat carved near you
when you drive afar...
the virtual, electronic
and modular spaces of
existence are taken over
by the strangeness of proximity

When all the words that you
uttered in earnest once
become gnarled inside,
when your eyes that longed to see
each other look
away hypocritical,
when you betray your heartbeat
when you ignore oxytoxin
showered around you like stardust

you become a self-exiled
orbiting your lonely paths
shoring the heavy mass of your
loss over your self
heavier each day with your grief

when you have confirmed
given into your destiny
wearing diaphanous veils
of betrayal
accepted into public mien
sadly, you realise that
your have severed ties with your self,
the stardust dreams
become strange to you


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